Are you in the 10-15% of truly self-aware leaders?

You’ve undoubtably worked for a leader who had low self-awareness. 

• They didn’t take feedback well.
• They either weren’t aware of their impact on others (or didn’t care).
• They didn’t read the room or tailor their approach and communication.
• They had an inflated opinion of their successes and contribution.
• They really didn’t see how they came across to others and had loads of ‘blind spots’

Working for someone like this wouldn’t have been much fun, eh.

On the other hand, you probably consider yourself to be pretty self-aware. You certainly wouldn’t put yourself in the same camp as that leader.

I don’t want to burst your bubble, but you’re probably not as self-aware as you think you are. 

One study, by Tasha Eurich et al, discovered that although 95% of people think they’re self-aware, only 10 to 15% actually are. Research indicates that only about 15% of people are sufficiently self-aware and that there is less than a 30% correlation between people’s actual and self-perceived competence. That same research shows that a leader’s lack of self-awareness negatively impacts decision making, collaboration, and conflict management. 

Why is self-awareness so important as a leader?

Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence. It provides us with the ability to accurately recognise and understand our emotions, strengths, weaknesses, values, and motivations. It involves having a clear understanding of your emotional states, which allows you to manage your emotions effectively and make conscious decisions.

A self-aware leader will:

• be more attuned to their emotions, strengths and areas they need to get better at 
• be better able to make decisions and navigate complex situations with integrity
• be more creative, build stronger relationships, inspire loyalty and commitment, and create a sense of psychological safety within their teams. 

And if you’re a leader who lacks self-awareness, the negative impact on team performance is magnified. According to Eurich, “Un-self-aware colleagues aren’t just frustrating; they can cut a team’s chances of success in half. According to our research, other consequences of working with unaware colleagues include increased stress, decreased motivation, and a greater likelihood of leaving one’s job.”

So, if it’s the bomb, how do I build my self-awareness?

It takes courage to look at ourselves honestly. But it’s worth it.  There are two types of self-awareness:

Internal self-awareness – “how I see the world”. This is about seeing our own values, passions, aspirations, fit with our environment, reactions (including thoughts, feelings, behaviours, strengths, and weaknesses), and our impact on others. 

External self-awareness – “how the world sees me”. This is about understanding how other people view us, in terms of those same factors listed above.

Both are important to cultivate. 

Here’s how:

1. Get clear on your values, strengths and non-strengths. There are some useful, free online tests such as Gallup StrengthsFinder, VIA and Red Bull’s Wingfinder which help you do this. It’s also worth participating in 360 feedback and other assessments at work. They all provide useful data to help you know and see yourself (and how others see you) more clearly. 

Ask yourself:

• How clear am I about my leadership values? What are the top three? 
• How am I measuring myself against these in my day to day leadership practice? 

2. Frequently seek (critical) feedback at work. Receive it well. Look for themes in that feedback. There’s more information here about receiving feedback well. 

Ask yourself:

• When was the last time I sought and received constructive feedback? 
• How did I respond?

3. Instead of asking “why?” when it comes to reflecting on situations at work, ask “what?”. For example, instead of asking “why do I feel so stressed about x”, ask “what are the situations where I feel stressed regarding X and what do they have in common?” Or, instead of “why did I get rated so low on this aspect of my review?”, ask “what steps could I take to understand this and improve on this score?”
4. Make sure you have some “challenging cheerleaders.” See this blog for what a challenging cheerleader is. This becomes even more important the more senior a role you have in an organisation, because you’re less likely to get honest, critical feedback the higher up you go in the organisational hierarchy. 

5. Regularly reflect. You might choose to do this after a project, an interaction, at the end of each week and even annually. Some good questions include: 

   a. What did I do well? What am I proud of when it came to x?

   b. If I could improve or have a “do-over” what would I do differently?

   c. What am I learning about myself here?

   d. Where was I in flow or what aspects did I really enjoy?

   e. Where am I stuck? 

   f. If this was happening to a good friend of mine, what advice would I give them? 

When it comes to improving your leadership, self-awareness is a priority. It’s not something you do once and put to bed. It takes consistent focus. By regularly doing these five things, you’ll increase your chances of being on the right side of the alarming self-awareness statistics. And you and your team will do better as a result.