“What is your responsibility in this situation – and more importantly what is not?”

This was the question my boss put to me as I tried desperately to help my direct report who was struggling with his performance. 

What was she getting at? Turns out, I was moving into rescue mode, something I was pretty adept at, not only as a leader, but also in my personal life.

As a leader, there’s a chance that you, too, might be jumping into rescue mode. So, how do you know? Why is it a problem if you are? And what can you do instead that’s better? 

Rescue mode consists of what it sounds like. It’s when you tend to save or do too much to help your team members when they have a problem. It’s when you take on a little bit too much responsibility for something. 

You might be a ‘rescue manager’ if:

• You (consciously or unconsciously) think it’s your job to ‘fix’ a person on your team and you become hyper-focused on that outcome. There’s a sense that they’re the victim, and that they need you to jump in and ‘do something’ to solve the issue.
• You jump in early and often to fix a problem without letting your team try and work through the solution themselves. You’re also way more likely to tell someone what to do (I sometimes refer to this as being an ‘advice fountain’) rather than asking them a powerful question.
• Although your team members often confide in you and come to you with their problems (which is nice for your ego and points to your empathy and approachability) they rarely come to you primed with potential solutions or ideas themselves. 
• You’re feeling a bit overwhelmed, emotionally drained or worn out by having to deal with everyone’s issues. You often find yourself frustrated and even a little martyrish or resentful. 

Why is being a rescue manager problematic?

The clue is in the 4^th point above, but it can be hard to see that’s what’s happening. Rescue mode happens because we care. We want to help. We have good intentions. And let’s be real, sometimes swooping in and saving the day can make us feel a bit like, well, a superhero too. 

But despite feeling good in many cases, rescue mode is problematic – for you, as well as for those you’re rescuing.  They don’t develop, build their confidence or feel empowered. And you end up exhausted, frustrated, and don’t spend time on the things you should. 

So how can you stop rescuing?

• Start with a mindset shift. What if you view your team member not as a victim who needs saving but rather, a resourceful person with the potential to create (or cocreate) a solution? How might that change your approach?
• Ask yourself the question that my boss asked me; “What is my responsibility in this situation and what is not?” Even reflecting on this question will help you to decipher your boundaries.
• Coach instead of rescue. Some useful coaching questions:
• What do you want (in this situation?)
• What is within your control and what is not (in this situation)?
• What are some options or ideas for solving this problem/achieving success? And what else? 
• What have you tried so far? What are you learning?
• If this was happening to a good friend of yours, what advice would you give them?
• And if you must… “what support do you want from me?”
• Pause, listen, and ask more open questions. Do this more than jumping in, giving advice or taking charge of the ‘said issue’ yourself. Yup, this can be challenging when we’re used to jumping into action mode all the time, solving problems, and getting shit done. When we feel like we’re wired more for doing than being. But some of the wisest, best bosses and mentors I’ve ever had were outstanding listeners who asked curious, thought-provoking questions and held a space for me to work through issues. They were my challenging cheerleaders, and it’s possible for you to embrace that energy too. 

So, if you recognise the rescue manager tendency in yourself, try these approaches and notice what happens over time. And if you know someone who might be falling into rescue mode, send them this article. 😊